My Brain is Bored, But My Body is Tired

If you’ve ever been through a surgery and recovery process, you know what I mean when I say “one step forward, two steps back”.

Waking up: I feel amazing! I don’t even need any Tylenol or Motrin to start the day. I am getting out of this house today! Yes!!!

Shower and get ready: Geeeezzzzssss, I don’t remember shaving taking quite that much energy. I think I’ll lie down for a minute.

Prepare to leave house & do whatever I had planned: You can do this! You don’t have to stay long. Just come back home when you are ready to rest.

At the destination: Roaming aimlessly, unsure exactly why I’m there and what was so urgent. <Look at watch>. Well, I think it’s about time to go home & rest. 🤣

Next day: Rinse & repeat.

There you have the cycle of healing when you’re trying to balance a determined, optimistic brain with a body that just needs you to rest and heal.

Today, I will remind myself: 🎵One day at a time, sweet Jesus. 🎶.

Oh, and I’m NOT leaving the house…for today, anyway! 🙏🏻

Wishing you all a blessed and healing day that’s peaceful ahead. 🏝🏖

Insta: peacefulahead

E-mail: staceyfade@peacefulahead.blog

🙏🏻A Poem of Prayer for My Teenage Daughter’s Journey Through Middle School🙏🏻

If you met my 13 year-old daughter,

You’d know she’s a blessing to me.

Wisdom exceeding her years,

Just trying a teenager to be.

Although boys are not yet her focus,

Her heart has been broken by life.

Not trying to create any drama,

Just fighting to overcome strife.

With a heart as big as Texas,

She worries about those whom she loves.

Watching family members face severe illness,

She’s kept faith in her God who’s above.

So, no, she’s not your typical teen,

She cares not about what others wear.

But she gives all she has to her loved ones.

And if you need her, she’ll be there.

It hurts my heart to see her

Keep trying her best to conform.

When I know that God made her special,

To show others how to weather a storm.

While her gifts may not be the ones sought

By those looking to fit in a mold.

I have no doubt they will serve her

As she grows more courageous and bold.

So many kids face the pressure

To stand out and be the star of the school.

They must keep their opinions inside,

Do what’s asked of them, follow the rules.

Well, I was one of those who tried,

To please everyone with all I had.

But I realized many years later

On the inside, I was quite sad.

I’d spent so much energy complying,

There was none left for me to see…

The unique gifts and beauty inside me,

Everything God intended me to be.

So when I became a Momma, I knew

That I’d do whatever necessary

To empower my girl to be herself,

In spite of societal norms to the contrary.

So while this part of life may be a challenge.

And at times hard to see the big picture.

I have faith that her strength will continue to grow,

And her gifts will lead to amazing adventures.

I’m beyond proud to be the Mother

Of a girl who’s true to her higher power.

And I’ll walk beside her through every step of this journey,

Knowing God’s plan is greater than ours.

When it seems that you’re lost in the masses,

And can’t find the place you belong.

Please remember that you’re already there…

Where God placed you; He knew all along.

Instagram: peacefulahead

💙🤝The Healing Gifts of Friendship, Food, and Fellowship 🥗🥘💙

For the past two weeks, I’ve had one job…heal. After having an extensive breast reconstruction surgery, I’ve spent 90% of every day wearing extremely tight binding garments to reduce post-surgery swelling and allow my body the time it needs to rest and prepare for the rehabilitation process ahead. To say that the restrictions on movement and necessity of wearing compression garments 24/7 has challenged my nerves would be an understatement. DEEP BREATHS…This, too, shall pass!

While I’ve been home and still unable to drive, I have been beyond blessed by the kindness of family and friends who have helped me through each step of this process. My dear husband has kept up with laundry and helped me stay on schedule with medication, my Mom cleaned our house, and both of them have pitched in to help my teenage daughter carry on without missing out on any part of her life. Several friends showed up with delicious home-cooked food, ready to spend time visiting. Each part of this journey over the past five years has included time when I was unable to leave the house, and my family has been stretched thin trying to keep the household running. I am constantly amazed at the blessing we receive when someone takes the time to deliver nourishing food, but most importantly, when they pause to spend time visiting. To me, there is no greater representation of what Jesus expects from us than to spend time with those who are secluded, whether it be for physical or mental health reasons, or aging.

This experience has reinforced my desire to find a way to give back or pay it forward more frequently. I feel that I, like so many, have good intentions, yet fail to follow through with actions so many times because we are stretched thin by so many other life demands. I would love to create a program that would simplify the process locally to connect people who wish to give with those who have needs.

While I’m not sure exactly what is needed to make that happen, I have faith the God will make it clear when I keep His love and light at the forefront of my efforts. Here’s to finding a way to coordinate goodness and help more people to enjoy a life that’s peaceful ahead.

🌸Reclaiming Femininity With Reconstruction; Hope and Healing in Sight🌸

Yesterday was finally the day. I arrived at the hospital for DIEP Flap Breast Reconstruction. For this procedure, fat is taken from the belly and used to make breast mounds. It took about 4 hours, thanks to my awesome doctor who works with a partner. Many of these procedures take 10-12 hours as the doctor chooses to work alone. When I had a mastectomy for breast cancer 5 years ago, my surgeon was able to keep my existing implants, which allowed me to take my time healing after treatment before deciding to have reconstruction. After surgery yesterday, I found out that one of those had bursted, therefore causing a very uneven set of “foobs” (term for fake boobs in the bc community). When I woke up, I could not wait to see the results. The first thing I noticed was that my chemo port was gone. I’d had to leave it in for this long “just in case the aggressive cancer returned”. For the past 4 years, I’ve had to return to the Cancer center once every six weeks to have it flushed. Talk about a constant reminder. I’m so very thankful that thing is gone! While I’ll never forget the experience of having breast cancer, I am now able to appreciate the changes that it has made in me, and move forward, using the strength and faith I’ve gained along this journey.

The next thing I noticed when I looked down was that I have CLEAVAGE! Then, further down, I saw a COMPLETELY FLAT BELLY! Wow!!! I am so very grateful to overcome this final hurdle. I can’t even begin to fathom what it will be like to go shopping for clothes after spending the past 4 years trying to cover up in oversized, flowy tops!

I was required to stay in bed for the remainder of the day & overnight. Today, I’ll be getting up and walking a few times & sitting in a chair. The only pain I feel so far is some pretty intense burning sensations at the hip-to-hip incision site, and a bit more of the same on my upper incision sites. Hoping that today, pain will be kept to a minimum.

One of the first thoughts I had was “why did I put this off so much longer than necessary?” Then, I was immediately able to reflect on the gratitude I feel for every step of the journey. Because I was able to accept my body, although it was quite disfigured for the past few years, I now have a deeper sense of self-love and compassion than I had ever thought possible. I now realize that the delay was necessary for me to learn to love myself, and confirm that although my body is not the same as it was when we began dating, my dear husband truly loves me for me. What better gift could I have received?

Wishing you all a beautiful day that’s filled with gratitude,acceptance, and the hope of a life that’s peaceful ahead.

Dear Young Girl Who’s Obsessed With Pinning Wedding Ideas

I’ve seen your “Fairytale” board. I know, it’s all there, perfectly arranged…the ring styles, proposal photo suggestions, save the dates, invitations, dress options, bridesmaid proposal ideas, bachelorette party activities, color schemes, seating charts, the reception attire, checklists, meals, memorabilia, and honey moons. Heck, I’m convinced every wedding will soon have its own custom trademark font. (If it already exists, I DON’T want to know). The energy that has been put into your event before it even begins, and sometimes before you’ve met Mr. Right, far exceeds what you exerted for the final research paper of your Senior year.

After living on God’s precious earth for 44 years, I can not with a clear conscience let you continue to “pin” your heart out without sharing what I’ve learned about love. You see, six years ago, I was a single Mom who’d pretty much decided that true love just wasn’t in the cards for me. I’d kissed a few frogs, and they somehow never turned into princes. So, I was happy to accept a life where I took care of myself and my daughter, without the weight of responsibility and work that seemed to be involved with any prospective partners.

Then, along came the nicest guy. He entered my life with such ease, allowing me to develop trust for him like I’d never known before. Always the gentleman, he wouldn’t even sit on the couch with me when he came over to watch a movie. I was dumbfounded. Did he not feel a spark…a connection? So, this continued for several months, and the friendship we developed was based on nothing but honesty, respect, and admiration for each other.

Once it became obvious that we were more than friends, every step of the relationship felt completely natural and as though it were meant to be. The way he loved not just me, but also my daughter, blew me away.

Six months after we started dating, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. He immediately decided to move in and take care of me as I underwent surgery to remove both of my breasts, which proved to be a much more challenging mental battle than physical. Next, he walked through the completely devastating side effects of 8 rounds of chemotherapy with me…the hair loss, the weight gain, the fears, the stomach issues, the aches and pains, the lack of energy and zest for life. Next came 7 weeks of radiation, and even more discomfort and fatigue, coupled with frustration and so many tears.

We were not even married. He could have walked away. But he stayed. A year after my diagnosis, while my hair was growing back in after chemo (not my most favorite look), with several pounds of chemo weight gain still hanging around, and a set of misshapen breasts, we headed to Vegas for a weekend wedding. I put on a fun rockabilly dress, ordered him a bowling-style shirt, and a poodle skirt for my girl, and in a one hour time slot, we became man & wife as Elvis sang us through our wedding dance.

Since that time, I’ve endured two more surgeries, including a hysterectomy and recently, breast reconstruction. During both of these experiences, he has proven to remain by my side through all of the ups and downs. He never left my side at the hospital, spending every night sleeping in my room. He’s been on the other side of the bathroom door while I struggle through the challenges of post-anesthesia “irregularity”. He’s emptied drain tubes, kept up with medicines, fed me, done the laundry, and made sure I have everything I needed to heal properly. I continue to be blown away by the selfless compassion and kindness shown to me by this man who has continued to express his growing love for me with each passing day.

There are no “pins” available for these things, which scares me a little for you young ladies. True love does not have a custom font, color scheme, or checklist. It is, however, there through the challenges and trials that are sure to come in this life. Making it through the “un-Pinterest-worthy” moments will be your proudest accomplishments, the things that cement your bond. So, while I hope that one day, your wedding is a very special and unforgettable celebration, my greatest wish is that you find an “un-pinnable” kind of love.