Freezing temperatures, hail, and sleet throughout a long winter (for Texas) couldn’t keep the beauty of this plant from returning. After feeling like life has dealt me a long winter, I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to bloom again.
Yesterday was finally the day. I arrived at the hospital for DIEP Flap Breast Reconstruction. For this procedure, fat is taken from the belly and used to make breast mounds. It took about 4 hours, thanks to my awesome doctor who works with a partner. Many of these procedures take 10-12 hours as the doctor chooses to work alone. When I had a mastectomy for breast cancer 5 years ago, my surgeon was able to keep my existing implants, which allowed me to take my time healing after treatment before deciding to have reconstruction. After surgery yesterday, I found out that one of those had bursted, therefore causing a very uneven set of “foobs” (term for fake boobs in the bc community). When I woke up, I could not wait to see the results. The first thing I noticed was that my chemo port was gone. I’d had to leave it in for this long “just in case the aggressive cancer returned”. For the past 4 years, I’ve had to return to the Cancer center once every six weeks to have it flushed. Talk about a constant reminder. I’m so very thankful that thing is gone! While I’ll never forget the experience of having breast cancer, I am now able to appreciate the changes that it has made in me, and move forward, using the strength and faith I’ve gained along this journey.
The next thing I noticed when I looked down was that I have CLEAVAGE! Then, further down, I saw a COMPLETELY FLAT BELLY! Wow!!! I am so very grateful to overcome this final hurdle. I can’t even begin to fathom what it will be like to go shopping for clothes after spending the past 4 years trying to cover up in oversized, flowy tops!
I was required to stay in bed for the remainder of the day & overnight. Today, I’ll be getting up and walking a few times & sitting in a chair. The only pain I feel so far is some pretty intense burning sensations at the hip-to-hip incision site, and a bit more of the same on my upper incision sites. Hoping that today, pain will be kept to a minimum.
One of the first thoughts I had was “why did I put this off so much longer than necessary?” Then, I was immediately able to reflect on the gratitude I feel for every step of the journey. Because I was able to accept my body, although it was quite disfigured for the past few years, I now have a deeper sense of self-love and compassion than I had ever thought possible. I now realize that the delay was necessary for me to learn to love myself, and confirm that although my body is not the same as it was when we began dating, my dear husband truly loves me for me. What better gift could I have received?
Wishing you all a beautiful day that’s filled with gratitude,acceptance, and the hope of a life that’s peaceful ahead.
Alive and ready for another day.
News filled with gloom, we’ve lost our way.
When they sky seems forever a shade of gray,
The only solution left…to pray.
For clarity and peace to rise,
For the Son’s bright hope to shine in our eyes.
For the past to stay where it belongs,
And every heart to be filled with a song.
Some days are harder, this is true.
But God is there, He believes in you.
He loves your soul, even when it’s blue.
Always starting each day anew.
For clarity and peace arise,
When the Son’s bright hope shines in our eyes.
The past shall stay where it belongs,
And every heart will be filled with a song.
Pick up your armor, no time for fright.
We can’t grow weary, the goal’s in sight.
Our bodies may signal fight or flight,
But our spirit will carry us in the way that’s right.
For clarity and peace will rise,
The Son’s bright hope will shine in our eyes.
The past behind us where it belongs,
And every heart is filled with a song.
Leave behind the heartache of this sad place.
Remember that God recognizes our face.
It’s not our speed that counts in the race,
But the daily blessings we embrace.
For clarity and peace will rise,
When we have the Son’s bright hope in our eyes.
The past left behind where it belongs,
And every heart shall be filled with a song.
If I said I’m not afraid, I’d be lying.
The fears that were quiet are multiplying.
I’ve felt so good lately it’s hard
To consider letting down my guard.
A barrier of protection I’ve formed,
Against outside noises that swarmed.
I can see life ahead filled with peace,
But before then, I must release.
This hold cancer’s had on my life,
All the fears, the struggles & strife.
I release the dark places of then,
Hoping to never go there again.
My body and mind and my soul,
Have finally been made whole.
So for this next round, I’m prepared.
To go through it, although I may be scared.
This step will help me to turn
All of this time into lessons learned.
My hope is to share all that’s true,
With warriors fighting anew.
I’ve shed tears, broken down, and healed.
And through it all, God’s love’s been revealed.
So if I needed to go where I’ve gone
To help you, it was worth it all along.
When I think of the fact that Jesus was willing to sacrifice himself for me, so that my sins would be forgiven, and His mercy would forever be mine, I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
Knowing that I can lay down my guilt and shame over choices I made in this life is truly the greatest blessing I could ask for. So many years I spent carrying that baggage around before I finally understood that His forgiveness was always available;it was up to ME to accept it and let go of the weight I’d held on to for far too long.
The freedom that came with that acceptance is indescribable, and I will never take it for granted. It is my ultimate prayer that all can experience the wonders of a life free from all of that unnecessary weight.
May you all have a blessed and peaceful Easter weekend, knowing that He gave His life so that our lives, through the good and bad, may be peaceful ahead.